Jim Stern Coaching


Driving as much as I do offers so much opportunity to let your mind wander into areas that sometimes makes no sense.  Much of the random thoughts are (excuse the pun) “driven” by conversations that come to me through the people I meet each day and today’s post is no different.

New to the US

It was obvious Taniya* was not a common name and her overall look made it obvious that she was not from the US.  Since I have met people from over 90 countries over the last 8 years I had to inquire which country she was from.  When she responded that she was from Thailand I said to her”Oh cool, what part?,” as I backpacked through South East Asia in the mid 70s and through a region of Thailand with the Hill Tribes, close to Burma (now called Miramar) and China in the middle of an opium war.   Tanya then mentioned to me that she wasn’t really from Thailand.   She laughed, and said she was actually from Brazil and it was just her name that sound Thai.  Taniya mentioned she liked how I offered options for her ride and how she wanted to talk about dating.

I life coach on average 3 people a day as part of my pro-bono work and being of service to people I meet (thru my Ubering). I was happy to hear that Taniya had an issue she wanted to discuss.  It seems like many young people I meet want to talk about relationship issues these days, which makes sense due to their stage of life..  She mentioned that she was in the US on a fellowship in between her undergraduate & graduate work as a scientist.  Her fellowship was at Harvard University, so of course I was impressed.  Taniya mentioned how she loved Boston; how clean the city was and how friendly the people are (well not on the roads anyway- the home of the “Mass-Hole”).  She was just having trouble finding guys to date.  We talked about it for a while and then I asked her how is she going about trying to find someone to date.  She gave me a blank look and said, well she really didn’t have a plan and what would I suggest as she did not like on-line dating.

Benefits of On-Line Dating Apps

On-line dating is a given and should probably be a part of any dating plan even if you dislike it as many do.  Yes, everyone wants to find someone organically, but as difficult as on-line dating is… most do it and it can’t hurt as it will improve one’s odds.  I talked about she could also join an online service like Bumble, which puts women in total control (men cannot communicate with a woman unless that woman wants to connect). Since Taniya is new to the US and Boston she didn’t really have a network of friends here so I mentioned that with Bumble you can also reach out for a BFF (Bumble BFF).  I thought if Taniya could find a few women friends to connect with then she could have some partners in crime, all on a similar mission and it could be lots of fun exploring the city while in pursuit of finding that perfect date.

Another thought is finding mutual interests with someone and an on-line organization like Meet-Up or after work courses could be a great way to connect with a guy that was interested in the same activities or classes as her.  Sometimes you must put yourself in the right environment where the people you are interested in will be hanging out, so I asked Taniya what kind of guy she likes.  She told me she is very specific as she likes Geeky guys, but not just any Geek, as he had to be tall and have blonde hair.  I had to laugh a little as that is very specific.  I told her that’s easy… just go to Harvard or MIT’s Student Union or Library where I was sure she could find lot’s of geeks hanging out or studying and then just go for it and sit close to one where you can make some eye contact and start a conversation or ask a question… if they don’t take the bait then nothing has been lost, but at least you made an effort.  Taniya could also expand on her criteria as University athletes at Harvard & MIT might be another option as they are also smart and may actually be tall and have blonde hair! Taniya would have to do a little homework and try to figure out where these guys hang out (how about going to the university gym search it out while you are getting in great shape).

Finding a date is like finding a job

Thinking about how to find people to date made me think that there are similarities here to finding a job (both I have had lots of experience with over the years).  Yes, I know this may sound like a bit of a stretch and very random.  You also may be wondering, how exactly did I come up with making the connection between looking for a date and a job?  Like I said, driving as much as I do offers many opportunities to think about all kinds of things, LOL.  I will try to breakdown some of the similarities briefly, so here goes:


  1. People you know> Networking
  2. On-line dating postings, On line Job postings- Adds more opportunities.
  3. Where your people hang out. Join Groups/Associations/Clubs/Courses
  4. Expanding your horizons- broaden your search> Add to your criteria, branch out.
  5. Think out of the box, try something novel, get out of your comfort zone.


Making a Few Changes Might Help

These are just a few ways where looking for a date and looking for a job have some commonalities.  Being open minded, flexible and creative can also help your way of thinking about both areas.  In the end, Taniya agreed that she needed to broaden her thinking about finding a date… as she headed to class, she looked back at me and said “after class I think I’ll go study in the library”…as she gave me a “wink-wink.”

*Names & any identifying information on people in this post have been changed for confidentiality.

© Jim Stern Coaching 2022. All Rights Reserved.







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